I don't think you understand the importance of what I'm trying to tell you

Last night at 3:30 in the morning, Rob sat up in bed and tapped me on the shoulder as if something urgent had happened.

Me: "What? What is it?"

Rob: "Frosting....glove box."

Me: "What?!"

Rob: "The frosting container in the glove box!"

Me: "Glove box? Frosting container? What do those even have to do with each other? Are you even awake?!"

Rob: "YES I'm awake!!"

Me: "Then what about the glove box and frosting container?"

Rob: "Never mind."

...................................................

I asked Rob this morning if he remembers waking up in the middle of the night and asking me about frosting and glove boxes. He said he remembers it, but he has no idea what he was talking about.

Neither do I, Rob. Neither do I.

November

...started out looking like this:

 {the old farmhouse}

 

{digging in the dirt}

 

{kicking a ball around the yard}

 {playing with Boots the cat}

...and ended looking like this:

 

SNOW!

{video: apparently cats don't like to eat snow}

an almost 2-year-old in a 6-12 month sweater (or: who needs warm wrists anyway?)

Just realized I haven't posted this on my blog yet.... My cousin's wife is an amazing photographer (see for yourself!) and recently offered to take portraits of our little Sara. (Thanks again Jessica!) This is the only one I've seen so far, and I can't wait to see the rest. Just look at that adorable pose and cute little face. I just want to smooch it!

some photos we found at Grandma's house

Can you believe I have never seen any of these photos before? My mom and I came across them while looking for photos to include in a remembrance photo slideshow for my grandma.

Grandma Ruth and me at about 1-year old.

at the park with my Dad (far left), my Mom (showing a little leg!), my sister Laura (look how cute), and Grandma Ruth holding me (under the blanket, sipping on a bottle).

At Grandma's house: my Great-Grandma Annie, Laura, Dad (holding Derek), me (holding a purple Care-Bear), Paul, and Grandma Ruth. (She still has that couch, but now it's pink.)

Me at about 2-years-old hosing off my cousin Marisa (in the bowl) 

with my sister Laura in the background.

Annakins with her Daddy-Dear.

And finally, I leave you with quite possibly the most awesome photo I have ever seen: my parents at their wedding reception looking very "music album cover"-esque. 

 Love it.

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

Wasn't my grandma a beauty? This photo was taken when she was about 18 years old, just before she married my grandpa. 

About five years ago my grandma was diagnosed with colon cancer. She opted for surgery at the time, and enjoyed four good cancer free years after that. Then in July of this year the cancer came back, but this time it had spread to her liver. She chose to do chemotherapy and started treatments about 5 months ago. With the exception of one major setback in August, she seemed to tolerate the chemo relatively well, and it even helped to reduce some of the symptoms she was having from the cancer. When we moved in with my Grandma toward the end of October, she was doing great! The only help she needed from us was mostly just preparing meals and taking care of the house, but she was still very independent with everything else (even with climbing and descending the stairs everyday! -- although I always tried to be right there with her on the stairs, just in case). 

On Friday, November 19, Grandma went in for the last scheduled round of a series of chemo treatments. The doctors and nurses warned her that this particular dose might make her mouth more sore give her more side effects than the previous treatments had. Well, they were right. As my aunt said in regards to this last chemo treatment, "You never know how much is too much until it is." Grandma's body just couldn't tolerate that last round of chemo, and after three weeks of sickness and other complications, Grandma passed away just before 9:00 AM Friday morning. 

It was hard to see my Grandma's health deteriorate so quickly during those last three weeks of her life. As I wrote on my extended family's website, "It really breaks my heart to see Grandma like this. I just want her to get better and be able to interact with us and her visitors, or I want her to be able to pass quickly with as little pain as possible. This in between stuff is so awful!"

Well, as it turns out, I guess I got my wish when I said "I want her to be able to pass quickly". I just hope the "with as little pain as possible" part was also true.

It is a strange experience to live with someone as they go through the dying process and to be with them when they pass away. Something I have never experienced before. Definitely something I will never forget.

I was in denial about my Grandma's condition and about just how close she was to death right up until the moment I went to check on her yesterday morning and found her not breathing. I think most of us were in denial about it. We all hoped she had more time; that she would make one more rebound (albeit a small one) before the cancer finally took her. I suppose wishing she could have stayed with us a little longer is a selfish request, but I miss her already.

I am so grateful for the the opportunity I had to live with Grandma Ruth and to be with her during the last few weeks of her life. She was a truly selfless woman and was always serving others, especially her family. I am so thankful I was able to give back just a tiny bit of all the love, service and sacrifice she has given to me and my family over the years. It is an experience I would never trade for anything else in the world. 

Finally, I want to share with you the following beautiful experience; the last moment I had with Grandma.

The night before my grandma passed, my Aunt Marie, her daughters Shannon and Karen, and my Mom were at the house with me. Shannon, Karen and I were sitting with Grandma in her room. Grandma had been mostly unresponsive since Sunday night, so we were just sitting on her bed, holding her hands, and talking to her or to each other. As we were sitting there, an almost overwhelming feeling came to me that I wanted to sing "Silent Night" to Grandma. I asked Karen and Shannon if they would sing with me. It wasn't until we reached the end of the first verse that the words finally hit us:

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

All three of us were overcome with emotion and could barely sing through the tears as we reached the words, "Sleep in heavenly peace". It was a very powerful moment. Marie and my mom joined us as we continued singing other hymns and children's Primary songs to her throughout the rest of the evening. I will never forget that sweet serenade we were able to give to Grandma on her last night here on earth. 

I love you Grandma.